About: Sleep (or at least that's what they used to call it back in the day)

I wear many hats…I know we all do (but I’m talking literally…my bald head will lobsterize in a matter of moments if I don’t).  Full time husband, full time father, full time son, and full time night watchman.  Now, I don’t mean that I stand guard outside of the local Target in the middle of the night keeping thugs at bay with my flashlight (although there is a bit of romance in that thought for some reason)…I mean I am the keeper of the creatures of the night.  This takes many forms.  But lately, my night-time duties have included roaming the streets on foot pushing  a stroller, and driving aimlessly around the Temecula countryside (sidenote:  both of these activities include the addition of a small human…interesting enough, if there were no small human involved, one might pinpoint this as unsettling behavior…the line between father and social miscreant is more thin than I thought!). 

My daughter and I are locked in a battle of wills that has been going on since May 6^th, 2009 (or at least shortly thereafter).  We have opposing viewpoints on activities post 9pm.  My plans call for quiet, peace, relaxation, a little television perhaps…did I mention quiet?  Her plans call for more Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, more toys, more not being asleep in general.  As you can see, this can bring about conflict in a relationship when two people that are so different are trying to find common ground.  As I lie here in thought I can only imagine that Gorbachev would not close his eyes and lie down, and all Reagan wanted was to find out who killed J.R. (my time-line may be a bit off, but the point was made I believe). 

There have been many lessons on this journey along the way.  First and foremost…you can be guaranteed once you find a routine that works for you 100% of the time you’re about to discover that 100% does not exist in the two year old lexicon.  We’ve gone for weeks, even months with no incidents whatsoever and calm waters each evening…and then all of a sudden an iceberg pops out of nowhere and sinks the unsinkable ship!  WHY?!  WHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We had an agreement Emily!  You’ve been sleeping good, and going down with no problems for months…WHAT IS DIFFERENT ABOUT TONIGHT!!!!????  (note to child protective services, the use of capital letters is the extent of my abuse towards my children…and for the time being, they are unable to read, so we’re good). 

I’ve read to the child…I’ve lied down next to the child for hours…I’ve brought her back downstairs to watch another episode of Mickey…I’ve even tried slipping her a Mickey (the stuffed version c.p.s…please get off my back).    Nada…zippo…zilch…bubkis…screaming…wailing…vomiting…sobbing (and that’s just me).   We’re in that lovely stage where nothing seems to work all the time…and the closest thing we can find is movement.

So now…if it’s late, and you’re trying to track me down…start by searching the Temecula Valley.  You’ll see me pushing a stroller up and down the dark streets of my neighborhood…peering in windows as happy parents gather around their flat-screens for some adult time while their children are nestled all snug in their beds…mocking me in their contentment.  Or better yet switch your gaze to the I-15 as I drive up and down, back and forth, just waiting for those precious eyelids in the backseat to close ever so gently, hoping that I can quickly return to base, gently unlatch the car seat, and scamper upstairs without disturbing the golden slumber. 

This whole thing is hard.  I think in many ways it’s harder than I thought it would be.  But it’s also that much easier when you care that much about the cargo you’re hauling around.  As tired as I am, and as frustrated as I get…come find me in 10 years.  I’ll still be roaming the Temecula Valley on foot or by car on a nightly basis…just wishing the precious cargo from years before still needed hauling around in the middle of the night.

Frustration lasts but mere moments when it rears its ugly head…so own it…embrace it…then let it go as quick as you can.  The moments that cause the frustration last even shorter in the big picture…and God knows I will miss them desperately when they’re gone.